Sex Ed.

Yep, I'm sure that title got your attention. I was going to post a sweet Valentine's Day conversation, but I'll save that for another time. This conversation just occurred and I must say that I find it pretty darn witty. For those of you that personally know Jake, you will appreciate the following dialogue. For those of you that don't know him, you probably won't get the sarcasm or whole tone of this. Oh well, introducing 6th grade Sex Ed.....

Jake: "Mom, you know about AIDS?"
Me: "Sure Jake. Why?"
Jake: "Well I was wondering something. Do you think that people who have phone sex get hearing AIDS?"

Sorry, but I thought it was funny. I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants. Of course, Dad and Nana just rolled their eyes. I still think it is pretty funny.

As a side note to the whole sex ed. thing, Jake's health teacher is the mom of a childhood friend of mine. One day he said that he thought it was creepy that she said penis and vagina all the time. I asked him if he would prefer that she call them who-whos and wing-dings, but he didn't think I was funny. I must say that I get his point. I would be completely creeped out if I heard my friend's mom talking about vaginas and penises too!

Hooked On Phonics Worked For Me!

Thank God for phonemic awareness! This post represents a classic Owenism (if that is even a word). This happened when he was four, obviously before he could read. He had little phonemic awareness because he would never show interest or participate. My colleagues still talk about this one. It went a little something like this:

Owen: "Mom, Jacob said the f word."

Mom: "Oh Owen, that's not very nice. He knows he shouldn't talk like that."

Owen: "I know. I told him he isn't supposed to say bitch."

As you can tell, he has come a long way. His vocabulary of obscenities has grown and phonics has allowed him to know the proper letter and sound each start with. Those are my boys!

The Literary World According to Kenna

All my kids love to read. They have inherited their love of books from me. Ever since I was a little girl, you could always find me curled up with something to read. I still read anything I can get my hands on-- everything from books to the backs of cereal packages. Jake and Syd read everything as well. Owen is also turning into quite the reader. Now, I only have to worry about four year old Kenna. After the conversation we had last night, I'm not sure reading will be her favorite past time. It went a little something like this:

Syd: "I don't know what I am going to do after I read the last book in The Last Apprentice series. I love them. I hope I kind find something else this good."

Kenna: "Well, I don't want to learn how to read. Books just put ideas in your head. It's not good to have all those ideas swimming around in there. That's what makes people do crazy things."

Yes, that's right. Kenna just set the education system back about 200 years. We wouldn't want anyone to have those ideas swimming around in their head, would we?

Personal Hygiene

Mom: "O, hurry up in the tub. It is past your bedtime."
O: "I can't. I'm washing my balls, Mom."
Mom: "Alright...a few more minutes." (I mean, come on, what do you say to that?! A boy has got to do what a boy has got to do, right?)

A few minutes later...

Mom: "You need to get out now, mister!"
O: "But Mom, my balls are really big."

At this point I had enough. I pulled open the shower curtain. He was right. His balls were really big...and made out of plastic. Did I mention he had a few little balls in there as well? Oh, come on and get your head out of the gutter. All boys love their toy balls!

New Year, New Direction

This blog has officially been hijacked by Mom. It is hard to upload pictures and share on a weekly basis. Mom is taking over the blog and it is taking a new direction! This blog will now be dedicated to the funny things the Funkhouser kids say. It seems like Mom always is able to share some sort of tidbit with her colleagues at lunch about things we say. This happens on almost a daily basis. They always say she should write a book or start a blog about it. Well, here it is. Some of the stories may be new and some may be old. However, they will all be actually comments heard in our household. This is the direction we are taking right now. It may change down the road if we run out of things to say, but that is hard to imagine at this point in time. Here is our first post focusing on this new direction. Enjoy...

Dad: "Kenna, please pick up your toys."
Kenna: "Kenna's not here right now. Please leave a message. Beep."

For those of you that are wondering, yes, she did make a beep sound like an answering machine.

Snowman

Have you ever thought about the true Christmas spirit? What does Christmas mean to you? A simple snowman changed the way we think about Christmas and we wanted to share it with you. Hopefully you will read this and really appreciate what you have and what you can give to others. Here is the story behind the snowman pictured above...

As many of our readers know, Mom is a teacher. She teaches at an inner city school. Mom doesn't get Christmas presents from her students, nor does she expect to. Her students come to school hungry and often don't know where they will sleep at night. Not only does she teach in the inner city, but the domestic violence safe house and the homeless shelter are both in her school's district. Anyway, she got the lovely snowman pictured above as a gift. Mom teaches two sisters who bounce around from place to place. They have been in foster care due to neglect. These two sweet girls brought Mom the snowman for a Christmas gift on Friday. It was dirty and ragged. The bottom and the back were covered with pet stains. Mom started to cry when they gave it to her. The girls, of course, were so proud of the gift. It touched Mom's heart that these girls would think of her and want to do something special for her. As scrappy as the gift was, it was a symbol of how special Mom is to the girls. She knew that they had given her one of their possessions. One of the girls told Mom that they didn't have a tree and the snowman was one of their only Christmas decorations. Mom tried to give it back, but they wouldn't take it.

Anyway, think about the gifts you receive this season. They may not be what you want or what you would pick out for yourself, but someone went to the trouble to give you a gift. We should all be thankful for the gifts we get. Most of all, we should be thankful that we have a warm bed to sleep in and a home to go home to. We have enough food for our bellies and the love and support of our families.

"Eye" Can See...

After this simple procedure, Mom can see! On Thursday, December 2nd, she had iLasik surgery in Bloomington. Before the surgery she could only see 20/500 in her right eye and 20/400 in her left. Her vision was only correctable to 20/40 with glasses and contacts. One Valium and approximately 15 minutes later, Mom was a new woman. When she went back on Friday for her 1 day post-op surgery her eyesight was 20/15. 20/15!!! She can see and is amazed at some of the things she didn't realize she was missing out on. The top 3 discoveries she made are:
1. People can actually read the numbers and addresses on mailboxes from their cars.
2. The back-up camera on her van is actually in color.
3. there is a sign at the end of our road (where it dead ends) that says "Spang St.". Mom didn't even know that sign was there and we've lived in our house for 11 years!
The procedure was simple and painless. If you have ever even thought about it, DO IT! As Mom can tell you, it is "life changing"!