Mom's Special Valentine

This is over a month late, but still makes us laugh. On Valentine's Day, the following conversation occurred:

Owen: "Mom, what did Dad get you for Valentine's Day?"

Mom: "Nothing."

Owen: "That man just has hate in his heart for you. If I was married to a woman like you, I'd buy you flowers and candy everyday."

There you have it. My special Valentine. Anytime Dad does something we don't like we tell him he has hate in his heart. Owen is a sweetheart and just wants his momma to be happy!

Houston, we have a problem...

It is my worst nightmare. Kenna told daycare about something that no one would want. Right now, we hear all the horror stories about the infestations of bed begs all over the country. Apparently, according to my 4 year old, we had this problem too. Thank goodness it had a happy ending. Here goes:

Donna, our daycare provider, shared this conversation with my husband last week. It went a little something like this...

Kenna: "Grandma Donna, me and sissy used to have bed begs."
Donna: "You did?" (I believe there was fear in her voice when she said this.)
Kenna: "Yeah, we did. Then my Daddy separated them. Sissy and I have our own beds now."

There you have it. No more bed bugs (translation BUNK BEDS). If only it were that simple.

Sex Ed.

Yep, I'm sure that title got your attention. I was going to post a sweet Valentine's Day conversation, but I'll save that for another time. This conversation just occurred and I must say that I find it pretty darn witty. For those of you that personally know Jake, you will appreciate the following dialogue. For those of you that don't know him, you probably won't get the sarcasm or whole tone of this. Oh well, introducing 6th grade Sex Ed.....

Jake: "Mom, you know about AIDS?"
Me: "Sure Jake. Why?"
Jake: "Well I was wondering something. Do you think that people who have phone sex get hearing AIDS?"

Sorry, but I thought it was funny. I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants. Of course, Dad and Nana just rolled their eyes. I still think it is pretty funny.

As a side note to the whole sex ed. thing, Jake's health teacher is the mom of a childhood friend of mine. One day he said that he thought it was creepy that she said penis and vagina all the time. I asked him if he would prefer that she call them who-whos and wing-dings, but he didn't think I was funny. I must say that I get his point. I would be completely creeped out if I heard my friend's mom talking about vaginas and penises too!

Hooked On Phonics Worked For Me!

Thank God for phonemic awareness! This post represents a classic Owenism (if that is even a word). This happened when he was four, obviously before he could read. He had little phonemic awareness because he would never show interest or participate. My colleagues still talk about this one. It went a little something like this:

Owen: "Mom, Jacob said the f word."

Mom: "Oh Owen, that's not very nice. He knows he shouldn't talk like that."

Owen: "I know. I told him he isn't supposed to say bitch."

As you can tell, he has come a long way. His vocabulary of obscenities has grown and phonics has allowed him to know the proper letter and sound each start with. Those are my boys!

The Literary World According to Kenna

All my kids love to read. They have inherited their love of books from me. Ever since I was a little girl, you could always find me curled up with something to read. I still read anything I can get my hands on-- everything from books to the backs of cereal packages. Jake and Syd read everything as well. Owen is also turning into quite the reader. Now, I only have to worry about four year old Kenna. After the conversation we had last night, I'm not sure reading will be her favorite past time. It went a little something like this:

Syd: "I don't know what I am going to do after I read the last book in The Last Apprentice series. I love them. I hope I kind find something else this good."

Kenna: "Well, I don't want to learn how to read. Books just put ideas in your head. It's not good to have all those ideas swimming around in there. That's what makes people do crazy things."

Yes, that's right. Kenna just set the education system back about 200 years. We wouldn't want anyone to have those ideas swimming around in their head, would we?

Personal Hygiene

Mom: "O, hurry up in the tub. It is past your bedtime."
O: "I can't. I'm washing my balls, Mom."
Mom: "Alright...a few more minutes." (I mean, come on, what do you say to that?! A boy has got to do what a boy has got to do, right?)

A few minutes later...

Mom: "You need to get out now, mister!"
O: "But Mom, my balls are really big."

At this point I had enough. I pulled open the shower curtain. He was right. His balls were really big...and made out of plastic. Did I mention he had a few little balls in there as well? Oh, come on and get your head out of the gutter. All boys love their toy balls!

New Year, New Direction

This blog has officially been hijacked by Mom. It is hard to upload pictures and share on a weekly basis. Mom is taking over the blog and it is taking a new direction! This blog will now be dedicated to the funny things the Funkhouser kids say. It seems like Mom always is able to share some sort of tidbit with her colleagues at lunch about things we say. This happens on almost a daily basis. They always say she should write a book or start a blog about it. Well, here it is. Some of the stories may be new and some may be old. However, they will all be actually comments heard in our household. This is the direction we are taking right now. It may change down the road if we run out of things to say, but that is hard to imagine at this point in time. Here is our first post focusing on this new direction. Enjoy...

Dad: "Kenna, please pick up your toys."
Kenna: "Kenna's not here right now. Please leave a message. Beep."

For those of you that are wondering, yes, she did make a beep sound like an answering machine.

Snowman

Have you ever thought about the true Christmas spirit? What does Christmas mean to you? A simple snowman changed the way we think about Christmas and we wanted to share it with you. Hopefully you will read this and really appreciate what you have and what you can give to others. Here is the story behind the snowman pictured above...

As many of our readers know, Mom is a teacher. She teaches at an inner city school. Mom doesn't get Christmas presents from her students, nor does she expect to. Her students come to school hungry and often don't know where they will sleep at night. Not only does she teach in the inner city, but the domestic violence safe house and the homeless shelter are both in her school's district. Anyway, she got the lovely snowman pictured above as a gift. Mom teaches two sisters who bounce around from place to place. They have been in foster care due to neglect. These two sweet girls brought Mom the snowman for a Christmas gift on Friday. It was dirty and ragged. The bottom and the back were covered with pet stains. Mom started to cry when they gave it to her. The girls, of course, were so proud of the gift. It touched Mom's heart that these girls would think of her and want to do something special for her. As scrappy as the gift was, it was a symbol of how special Mom is to the girls. She knew that they had given her one of their possessions. One of the girls told Mom that they didn't have a tree and the snowman was one of their only Christmas decorations. Mom tried to give it back, but they wouldn't take it.

Anyway, think about the gifts you receive this season. They may not be what you want or what you would pick out for yourself, but someone went to the trouble to give you a gift. We should all be thankful for the gifts we get. Most of all, we should be thankful that we have a warm bed to sleep in and a home to go home to. We have enough food for our bellies and the love and support of our families.

"Eye" Can See...

After this simple procedure, Mom can see! On Thursday, December 2nd, she had iLasik surgery in Bloomington. Before the surgery she could only see 20/500 in her right eye and 20/400 in her left. Her vision was only correctable to 20/40 with glasses and contacts. One Valium and approximately 15 minutes later, Mom was a new woman. When she went back on Friday for her 1 day post-op surgery her eyesight was 20/15. 20/15!!! She can see and is amazed at some of the things she didn't realize she was missing out on. The top 3 discoveries she made are:
1. People can actually read the numbers and addresses on mailboxes from their cars.
2. The back-up camera on her van is actually in color.
3. there is a sign at the end of our road (where it dead ends) that says "Spang St.". Mom didn't even know that sign was there and we've lived in our house for 11 years!
The procedure was simple and painless. If you have ever even thought about it, DO IT! As Mom can tell you, it is "life changing"!

I Can't Believe My Eyes!

Yes, the title tells the truth. We are still alive and well, although we seem to have fallen off the face of the blog world in recent months (well, really many months). We are giving this a trial run again. So much has happened in the past nine months. Here's a brief synopsis of what is going on:
Jake
Jake has graduated from 5th grade, turned 12, and started middle school. He made it through his first season playing tennis. Last week he tried out for the 6th grade basketball team at his school. Over 40 kids tried out and the team was cut to 12. He made the cut! You can look forward to seeing some pictures and updates on the basketball season.
Syd
Sydney started 5th grade, her last year in her current elementary school. She is currently on the newspaper staff, serving on student council (and campaigning for president at this moment-- we'll keep you posted), involved in math club, and Girl Scouts. Mom and Dad are currently trying to persuade her to take up either basketball or volleyball, due to the fact that she is 5'3" and the tallest kid in her school. Did we also mention that she probably also has the biggest feet? She currently wears a size 10 in women's!
Owen
Owen graduated from kindergarten. He was nervous about moving to 1st grade because "1st grade work is too hard". Over the summer, he turned 6. Needless to say, school started and he reluctantly started 1st grade. He is doing very well and now claims the work is "too easy". he has had 100% on all of his weekly spelling and reading tests and on both of his two math unit tests. Owen still loves to run around outside like a mad man and climb like a monkey. He is really beginning to love reading, as he can read many books by himself. He loves reading to his little sister. He can't wait for basketball to start in a month and wants to play soccer in the spring.
Kenna
The baby officially started public school this year. We were fortunate enough to be able to send Kenna to the elementary school she will go to for a brand new morning preschool program. She is kind of like a guinea pig. Hopefully the program takes off and they will be able to offer a morning and afternoon session next year. She thinks she is a big girl going to school everyday with Mommy, Syd, and Owen. Kenna has also developed into a little fashionista, so be careful. the girl can SHOP! Everything has to coordinate. She refuses to wear certain items in her wardrobe because "that's ugly" or "that's not cute". She has started taking ballet class once a week and acts like a prima ballerina. She has yet to decide if she will participate in the spring recital.
We promise to do a better job with keeping everyone up to date. Mom got a new Nikon camera and is really getting into photography. She has tons of pictures she has taken and will post some this week for your enjoyment. Thanks for hanging in there and being patient with us. We promise it will be worth the wait!

Purchasing stock in disinfectant

Yuck! That is the only word to describe our house the past couple of days. Mom literally has used every sheet, blanket, and pillow case in our house changing beds in the past two days. Kenna was the projectile queen, failing to hit any target in front of her. She wasn't the bad one though. Her illness was over as quickly as it came on. No, the winner of the most annoying puker officially goes to Owen. He would begin to throw up while he was asleep. he would get it all over the bed and then hit the trash can. Mom gave him three baths last night alone. Where was Dad, you ask? Why at work, of course. Owen even proceeded to do the unthinkable around 3:30 in the morning. it was at this time that he pooped all over Mom's bedroom floor. Yes, i said pooped. It happened because he threw up all over his pajamas and took them off. As he approached the bedroom door he proclaimed, "I have to pee". Mom ran over with the trash can trying to catch the remaining remnants of his urine only to have him proceed to leave a love offering from his rear on the floor. Oh, happy day! Needless to say, Mom is still washing laundry and missed yet another day of school due to lack of sleep. Isn't it great to use sick days when one isn't the sick one. Here's hoping the stomach flu won't be the gift that keeps on giving in your household this holiday season...

When we grow up...

Okay, we know it is a long time from now. One day we will all be big and on our own. Mom thinks we are going to grow up, have jobs, and live either in the basement or next door. Realistic, we know that's not going to happen. We had this discussion last night at dinner and we thought we'd share our future hopes and dreams.

Jake wants to be a surgeon. When mom and dad told him he'd have to work harder on his math to do this he changed his mind. He now wants to be an engineer (even more math is required). "Oh well," he said. "I'll just be a professional baseball player." Chances of that happening, slim to none. But remember, we are a supportive family (even though it is hard for dad to stay quiet on this one...).

Syd wants to be a vet. Very reasonable for her. She is loving and compassionate and LOVES animals. This future Purdue grad will have to take mega doses of allergy medicine before she goes to work everyday. She is allergic to cats, dogs, and horses. It can be done.

Owen says he is going to be an artist. He wants to paint pictures of monkeys or as the parents say, "self portraits". Owen is really into coloring, drawing, and painting right now. Mom's room at school is like his own personal studio.

As for Miss Sassy-Pants, aka Kenna, she wants to be an "animal fixer up person like Syd". She says she wants to help kittens and save them from "people who put them under wheels". Under wheels? Where did she come up with that? She must be watching too much of the Animal Planet with Syd.

We never know what the future might hold for us...

Bad Momma

Okay, lets face it. We have one bad momma. Yes, she is bad on so many levels. She is bad at keeping everyone up to date on what is going on in our life. She is bad about taking time out of her busy schedule to share about us. What about our lives? Aren't we as important as she is? Anyway, Mom is making a new pact (for the hundredth time) to update our blog once a week. One time a week is reasonable, don't you think?
Well, back to us. A lot has been going on since Mom last updated (in July!). We have had two birthdays since that time. Jake hit the big 11 in August. Syd is now in double digits at 10. Can you believe it?
School has once again started. Jake started 5th grade and has Mom's good friend as his teacher. Jake cannot get by with anything and nothing is sacred, as they talk everyday. Syd started 4th grade and loves her teacher. Owen is now in kindergarten. That is another story in itself. He is starting to become a little reader and learning so quickly. Mom and Dad are really proud of him. We also got our report cards two weeks ago. The winner of the best report card in the house goes to...Sydney Paige. Straight A's! She works so hard and has a great work ethic. Her teacher raved about her. Owen and Jake also had very good cards. Owen had all S+'s (kindergarten report cards are a bit different) and Jake had all A's and one B+. He will be working hard to raise that for next time.
We are heading straight into the holiday season. Christmas lists have been made and Santa is watching. He will especially be watching Momma to see if she can keep up her end of the bargain. She may even upload a couple of pictures, if she gets real ambitious. Until next week...

Our Daddy the Hero

This is our Daddy. Did you know that he is a hero? We mean a real life hero!

Last night, our Daddy saved some 17 year-old girl's life. He went on a call last night of an unresponsive female who had possibly overdosed. When he got there, she did not have a pulse. He started CPR and gave it to her until the paramedics arrived. He saved her life. She is in ICU right now, but is talking and responding. Our Daddy is too humble to talk about it, but that girl wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him. He is a real life hero--our real life hero. We think he should get a lifesaving award from work. Love you, Dad! We are all so proud of you!

Bad news (don't read if you get emotional)

I wanted to take a minute to share some thoughts that are going around in my head right now. In the last two days, I have gotten some really rotten news. The first is the death of my friend Kelley. Kelley taught with me a Lost Creek and we worked together through Covered Bridge the last six years. She finally lost her long, courageous battle with breast cancer on Friday night. She was 37 years old. Kelley has been sick for several years now. Her cancer went into remission and came back last winter. She knew she was dying and spent a lot of quality time with her son Lance. She bought many gifts for him as he grows so she will continue to be involved with him as he grows. Lance is six months younger than Jake. Kelley was a single mother, so keep her son in your prayers. She was a great teacher and mentor. She touched the lives of many children and adults with her enthusiasm and smile. I will never forget her.

The second tragic event I learned of involves my Big Sis from college, Christa. Christa helped me decide to become a special education teacher. She is so compassionate and giving. She teaches special education at South and goes above and beyond for all of her students and their families. Christa is the mother of three terrific boys; Gabe, Caleb, and Isaac. Gabe played on Jake's baseball team this fall. Isaac had special needs of his own. He was born with a birth defect where his arms were not fully formed. Christa treated him like he had no challenges. She coached his t-ball team, which also had several other children with special needs on it. On Saturday, Christa's little boy Isaac fell and hit his head. He died from his injuries on Sunday. He was Owen's age. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain Christa and her husband Gary are feeling right now.

I guess I just wanted to remind everyone to hold their children tight and love them no matter what. I know there have been days when I just want to be left alone, but those days always get better. My children are so special and precious and I can't imagine my life without them. Whether you have time to prepare for a loss like Kelley did or if it comes as a complete shock as Isaac's did, it still leaves such a void in the lives of someone. It is times like these that I am reminded about how precious life is and that it truly is a gift. Live each day to the fullest and appreciate and treasure those around you.

Amy

More Vacation Pictures...

Introducing our bathing beauty, Sydney Paige.

Jake thinks Paula Deen's cooking is finger-licking good.

Here is the fabulous foursome in Savannah by one of the riverboats.

This picture shows the crew and their cousins outside an art gallery in Savannah. Can you tell how hot it was?

Here is one last photo of Syd at the beach. She wasn't included in the last post so she earned a double feature this time!

Vacation Recap

There is nothing like a little sun and sand to start the summer out right. We were fortunate enough to spend a week at Hilton Head with Rob, Erica, and the kids. We also had a day trip to Savannah.

Jake almost got us killed in Savannah with his hat that he had to have. We made him take it off before we ate at The Lady and Sons (Paula Deen's restaurant).

Kenna is relaxing at our house.

Owen and Henry are enjoying the sun and sand.

Miss Sassy-Pants is probably doing what she does best--boss everyone around!

Challenge

In an effort to be a little less white trash coach potato-like (refer to Dad and Jake above), we are taking on a fitness challenge. It is the goal of the Funkhouser family to walk 100 miles between Memorial Day and Jake's birthday (August 12th). We also plan to run 10 miles in that time frame as well. To some of you seasoned fitness fanatics it may not sound like that big of a deal. The catch is that ALL of us (including Kenna) will be walking and running together. It is not a cumulative goal...the miles will be completed as a family, not separate and added together. We'll keep you posted on our progress. Have a great extended weekend!

Sick of Being Sick

This is what you will find in our house right now...lots and lots of germs! Visitors beware!
We know it has been awhile and there are still no new pictures! Mom could have posted some photos with Santa, but that would have been a little out of season, don't you think?! Anyway, just to catch you up on our household...this is our current health report. Mom has been sick since March 17th. Well, actually before then, but that was the first day she went to the doctor. At that time, they said she had an upper respiratory infection, double ear infection, and sinus infection. She had to take an antibiotic and some really good cough medicine with something that helped her sleep (she says she really misses that cough syrup). She finished her medicine and didn't get any better. She went back to the doctor just before spring break and had to start another antibiotic. Well, needless to say, she started having a lot of problems with her asthma, which hasn't bothered her since before she and dad got married. She went to a specialist for her asthma and had to start taking some new inhalers and stuff to help her. He said she will have to take the inhalers for the rest of her life, just like a diabetic would have to take insulin. Anyway, mom got really sick on Sunday and couldn't breathe. It was scary and dad had to take her to the emergency room to get a breathing treatment. The doctor there said she has bronchitis. So, she is now on another antibiotic, Prednisone, and Singular to help with her asthma. She also got another inhaler. She goes back to the specialist on Friday to see if her lung functioning is improving. Even though she is having trouble breathing, she has still been walking after school with her friends. They usually walk from mom's school to Deming Park and back. Enough about mom...now on to us. Owen has another ear infection and upper respiratory infection. The doctor thinks he may be allergic to milk. He is going Monday (5/11) to see a specialist for his ears in Indy. They think tubes are probably necessary. mom said we can wait until after vacation for those so she doesn't have to miss any more work. Yesterday, mom had to pick Owen and Kenna up from daycare because we were both throwing up. Kenna had thrown up the night before all over Owen because "Owen makes me sick and makes me have to throw up". Spoken like a true little sister. Kenna now also has an upper respiratory infection. We both got to stay home from school today with dad. Jake and Syd are okay, for now. Keep your fingers crossed that it stays that way. Sorry, Auntie E, we know how much you hate this kind of "blogging". We will try to keep it short and sweet with pictures next time.

Warm Wishes

Sorry, we have no pictures to post today. We just wanted to take the opportunity to tell our OLD Auntie E and Uncle Bucky HAPPY 32nd BIRTHDAY! The sad thing is that they are Mom's younger brother and sister. We think they are old, so that makes Mom really old. We hope you each have a great birthday and we will see you soon!
Also, we would like to tell our 17 year old cousin Matt that we hope he gets better quick. Matt had to have emergency surgery late last night in Chicago for a bacterial infection. He had an infection that settled into his hip which had to be cleaned up. The surgery lasted longer than it was supposed to because they had to go into the sack around his hip and clean it out as well. He will be in the hospital for 3 or 4 days and will have to work with a pain management doctor. We hope he is okay and makes a speedy recovery.
Check back late Wednesday night for some new pictures (which cannot be released until we get the okay from someone...we'll explain when we post them)!