Mom's Special Valentine

This is over a month late, but still makes us laugh. On Valentine's Day, the following conversation occurred:

Owen: "Mom, what did Dad get you for Valentine's Day?"

Mom: "Nothing."

Owen: "That man just has hate in his heart for you. If I was married to a woman like you, I'd buy you flowers and candy everyday."

There you have it. My special Valentine. Anytime Dad does something we don't like we tell him he has hate in his heart. Owen is a sweetheart and just wants his momma to be happy!

Houston, we have a problem...

It is my worst nightmare. Kenna told daycare about something that no one would want. Right now, we hear all the horror stories about the infestations of bed begs all over the country. Apparently, according to my 4 year old, we had this problem too. Thank goodness it had a happy ending. Here goes:

Donna, our daycare provider, shared this conversation with my husband last week. It went a little something like this...

Kenna: "Grandma Donna, me and sissy used to have bed begs."
Donna: "You did?" (I believe there was fear in her voice when she said this.)
Kenna: "Yeah, we did. Then my Daddy separated them. Sissy and I have our own beds now."

There you have it. No more bed bugs (translation BUNK BEDS). If only it were that simple.

Sex Ed.

Yep, I'm sure that title got your attention. I was going to post a sweet Valentine's Day conversation, but I'll save that for another time. This conversation just occurred and I must say that I find it pretty darn witty. For those of you that personally know Jake, you will appreciate the following dialogue. For those of you that don't know him, you probably won't get the sarcasm or whole tone of this. Oh well, introducing 6th grade Sex Ed.....

Jake: "Mom, you know about AIDS?"
Me: "Sure Jake. Why?"
Jake: "Well I was wondering something. Do you think that people who have phone sex get hearing AIDS?"

Sorry, but I thought it was funny. I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants. Of course, Dad and Nana just rolled their eyes. I still think it is pretty funny.

As a side note to the whole sex ed. thing, Jake's health teacher is the mom of a childhood friend of mine. One day he said that he thought it was creepy that she said penis and vagina all the time. I asked him if he would prefer that she call them who-whos and wing-dings, but he didn't think I was funny. I must say that I get his point. I would be completely creeped out if I heard my friend's mom talking about vaginas and penises too!

Hooked On Phonics Worked For Me!

Thank God for phonemic awareness! This post represents a classic Owenism (if that is even a word). This happened when he was four, obviously before he could read. He had little phonemic awareness because he would never show interest or participate. My colleagues still talk about this one. It went a little something like this:

Owen: "Mom, Jacob said the f word."

Mom: "Oh Owen, that's not very nice. He knows he shouldn't talk like that."

Owen: "I know. I told him he isn't supposed to say bitch."

As you can tell, he has come a long way. His vocabulary of obscenities has grown and phonics has allowed him to know the proper letter and sound each start with. Those are my boys!

The Literary World According to Kenna

All my kids love to read. They have inherited their love of books from me. Ever since I was a little girl, you could always find me curled up with something to read. I still read anything I can get my hands on-- everything from books to the backs of cereal packages. Jake and Syd read everything as well. Owen is also turning into quite the reader. Now, I only have to worry about four year old Kenna. After the conversation we had last night, I'm not sure reading will be her favorite past time. It went a little something like this:

Syd: "I don't know what I am going to do after I read the last book in The Last Apprentice series. I love them. I hope I kind find something else this good."

Kenna: "Well, I don't want to learn how to read. Books just put ideas in your head. It's not good to have all those ideas swimming around in there. That's what makes people do crazy things."

Yes, that's right. Kenna just set the education system back about 200 years. We wouldn't want anyone to have those ideas swimming around in their head, would we?

Personal Hygiene

Mom: "O, hurry up in the tub. It is past your bedtime."
O: "I can't. I'm washing my balls, Mom."
Mom: "Alright...a few more minutes." (I mean, come on, what do you say to that?! A boy has got to do what a boy has got to do, right?)

A few minutes later...

Mom: "You need to get out now, mister!"
O: "But Mom, my balls are really big."

At this point I had enough. I pulled open the shower curtain. He was right. His balls were really big...and made out of plastic. Did I mention he had a few little balls in there as well? Oh, come on and get your head out of the gutter. All boys love their toy balls!

New Year, New Direction

This blog has officially been hijacked by Mom. It is hard to upload pictures and share on a weekly basis. Mom is taking over the blog and it is taking a new direction! This blog will now be dedicated to the funny things the Funkhouser kids say. It seems like Mom always is able to share some sort of tidbit with her colleagues at lunch about things we say. This happens on almost a daily basis. They always say she should write a book or start a blog about it. Well, here it is. Some of the stories may be new and some may be old. However, they will all be actually comments heard in our household. This is the direction we are taking right now. It may change down the road if we run out of things to say, but that is hard to imagine at this point in time. Here is our first post focusing on this new direction. Enjoy...

Dad: "Kenna, please pick up your toys."
Kenna: "Kenna's not here right now. Please leave a message. Beep."

For those of you that are wondering, yes, she did make a beep sound like an answering machine.